Fun With Messianic Oracles

When the basic Gospel narrative was in the process of evolving, originally as an oral tradition, it started as a very sketchy one. There was a shortage of details, but the

narrative, starting from "Mark" on, got supplemented by Hebrew Bible/Old Testament passages read in an oracular manner. No problem-- devout exegetes felt that the entire Old Testament existed to point to Jesus as the Messiah, Now some of these oracles were issued as intentional prophecies of a future Messiah, others were not even prophecies at all, yet they were used as source material for details about the life and ministry of Jesus.

Prophetic utterances that were applied to Jesus have been touted by Christians for two millennia, some specified as Scriptural fulfillments and some not. Like Zechariah 9:9 about the coming of a king riding on a donkey, cited by "Matthew" (21:4-5). In fact, it actually refers to Zerubbabel and the return from the Babylonian exile. But that was irrelevant to enthusiasts, as it's all too easy to argue (as they did), 'Well, it also refers prophetically to Jesus!"

Let's look next at Isaiah's prophecy of a son (7:14), commonly accepted as referring to Jesus and cited as such by "Matthew" (1:22-23). But when you read on in Isaiah (V. 7:15-16, 8:3-4), it's clearly been taken out of context. Isaiah is actually referring to his own son, and to an event in the near term, not some distant future. Yet this remains one of the key alleged prophecies of Jesus.

Then there's the Psalms, which were hymns of praise, not prophecies, yet they were accepted as such and ransacked for details about the life of Jesus. Psalm 22, especially, filled in details about the Crucifixion that "Matthew" (whoever really wrote the Gospel) did not know or learn from any supposed eyewitness (V. 1, 7-8, 16-18). The use of Psalms for this purpose inevitably entailed a lot of stretching and imaginative interpretation.

All well and good. I thought it might amuse the reader to see the process continued, selecting even more Old Testament passages and unilaterally and arbitrarily declaring them to be "really" about Jesus. It's no different from what's been done already, and really no less valid (despite being facetious). So imagine the following being about Jesus:

1) Jeremiah 22:19 foretells the ultimate disposition of the corpse of Jesus after the Crucifixion:

"He shall be buried with the burial of an ass, drawn and cast forth beyond the gates of Jerusalem."

In other words thrown in the garbage. Note that I do not mangle the text, and it matches what is known about other victims of Roman crucifixion, and lest you object that I'm taking Jeremiah out of context, well, that's how it works. All the accepted prophetic oracles of Jesus are out of context. When apologists concede that the prophets were speaking about their own time and circumstances, they claim that they were also speaking prophetically about Jesus. So I claim the same here for Jeremiah. Why not? It can easily be harmonized with the other accounts by claiming, "He was first tossed in the town dump, then later fished out and placed in a tomb."

2) According to Amos 8:10, the disciples all shaved their heads after the death of Jesus:

" ... I will bring baldness on every head, and I will make it as the mourning of an only son."

The claim of Messianic significance is strengthened by Verse 9, which predicts the darkness at noon when Jesus died, as "Luke" alone reports (23:44-45). As far as I know this verse has never been cited as a prophecy of Jesus, a major oversight.

3) Psalm 17:9-10 -- The enemies of Jesus were all lardos:

"From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about. They are enclosed in their own fat;"

4) Where did the "Three Kings" come from? Now we know! Tarshish, Sheba, and Sabah (Psalm 72:10):

"The kings of Tarshish and of the isles shall bring presents, the kings of Sheba and Sabah shall offer gifts."

This is confirmed by Isaiah 60:3-6--

"And the Gentiles shall come to thy lights, and kings to the brightness of thy rising."

" ... they shall bring gold and incense."

Inventing new Messianic oracles is a fun game. Open up a Bible and try it yourself. You can't go wrong. Literally.