Take and Give the Bible Test

It has been reported in the mainstream media recently that people are Biblically illiterate. A case is being made to offer Bible studies in US public schools, with the requirement that they do not promote Judeo-Christianity but are simply a class on the history and influence of the Bible. As a Deist, I think this is a great idea provided there is oversight to insure the objective teaching of the Bible. An honest objective look at the Bible would turn any honest and objective person against it and help them to realize the fact that the Bible is NOT the Word of God!

Below is a test I believe the public school system should use in their Bible study classes. Your input is appreciated!

1. How many contradictory creation of man stories are there in Genesis?

2. Did the patriarch of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, Abraham, pimp his wife/half-sister?

3. Does the Bible god favor one group of people above all others?

4. How many "little children" did the bears kill that the Bible god sent because they teased Elisha about his bald head? Were the bears male or female?

5. According to the Bible, what is God's name?

6. Did the Bible god give orders to slaughter women and children?

7. Why did the Bible god in Exodus 11:10 (among other places), the blasphemous Passover horror story, "harden Pharaoh's heart, and he did not let the people of Israel go out of his land" and then in Exodus 12:29 the Bible god killed the first born of everyone, even of the animals, to punish Pharaoh for not doing what the Bible god allegedly made impossible for him to do?

8. When the Bible god wanted to kill Moses, what did Moses' wife throw at the Bible god's feet that made him change his mind?

9. Why does Joshua 10:12-14 say the Bible god made the sun stand still to allow the Jews more time to slaughter their neighbors when in reality the sun is stationary in relation to the earth?

10. Why is II Kings 19 almost identical with Isaiah 37 and why is II Chronicles 36:22 identical to Ezra 1:1 through most of 1:3?

11. Who said they did not come to bring peace, but a sword?

12. Was Jesus supposed to return to earth during the lifetime of some of his followers?

13. Who was critical of the Jews for not following their Biblical teachings to kill their disobedient children?

14. Who said their followers must hate their families?

Answers

1. There are two contradictory creation of man stories. Genesis 1:25-27 and Genesis 2:5-7

2. Yes. Once when she was 65-years-old and once when she was in her 90's! Genesis 12:10-16 and Genesis 20:1-2 (Even though in both cases the men Sarah was handed over to did not know she was married, the Bible god was upset with them and not the pimp Abraham!)

3. Yes, the Jews. Deuteronomy 7:6

4. 42 The protestant versions of this Biblical nonsense and horror story say they were "she-bears" (2 Kings 2:23-24) but the Catholic version of the Bible simply says they were bears.

5. Jealous! Exodus 34:14

6. Yes, many times the Bible claims he ordered the Hebrews to slaughter women and children as in Numbers 31:7-18, 1 Samuel 15:2-3 among many other places!

7. No reason.

8. The fresh foreskin of the infant son. Exodus 4:24-26

9. Joshua 10:12-14 demonstrates the raw ignorance of the ancient Jews who wrote the Bible.

10. Bad editing!

11. The Christian's king of peace, Jesus. Matthew 10:34

12. Yes. Of course, he's already about 2,000 years too late! He should have been here by now! Matthew 16:28

13. Jesus. Mark 7:9-10

14. Jesus. Luke 14:26

As most Deists can see, one of our greatest recruiting tools is the Bible! Just as we learn about God by applying our God-given reason to the designs/laws of Nature, so we learn the Bible and the "revealed" religions have NOTHING TO DO WITH NATURE'S GOD when we apply our God-given reason to them! Therefore, if people want to get closer to God, based on their own God-given reason, they can't do so by following the Bible or Christianity. Deism is grounded on reason and Nature and therefore leads us to a much better understanding of Nature's God! Please pass this test on to others who you think will benefit from it!

When we rely on our gift from God of innate reason, we realize Thomas Paine was correct when he wrote in The Age of Reason:

"I believe it is only in the CREATION that all our ideas and conceptions of a Word of God can unite. The Creation speaks a universal language, independently of human speech or human language, multiplied and various as they may be. It is an ever existing original, which every man can read. It cannot be forged; it cannot be counterfeited; it cannot be lost; it cannot be altered; it cannot be suppressed. It does not depend upon the will of man whether it shall be published or not; it publishes itself from one end of the earth to the other. It preaches to all nations and to all worlds; and this Word of God reveals to man all that is necessary for man to know of God."