Why Deism? The Day I Realized I Was a Deist

This story is not about how I became a Deist, but rather about the moment in my life when I realized that I had always been one.

I was born into an evangelical Christian home. I learned to read and write at the age of four, and my favorite book was the Bible, which I read and studied from an early age. I grew up in an environment where the Bible is considered the Word of God, inspired and without flaws or errors. If I or anyone around me dared to question a single letter of the Bible, it was akin to questioning God Himself. And who in their right mind would question the Almighty God?

The truth is, although I recognize the good things in that environment, there were many things I found difficult to accept. Issues that seemed irrational and even absurd to me, such as God commanding the annihilation of entire peoples, including children and babies. When I was told about the great men of faith described in the Bible, I was astounded when I analyzed their behavior. I wondered why Jacob, David, Moses, and others, being men with such reprehensible conduct, were praised as “servants of the Most High God.”

Dogmas like the Trinity, the oneness, the burning hell, the portrayal of an anthropomorphic, jealous, wrathful, bipolar god… these made me uneasy, and I asked questions to the leaders of the congregations I attended. The answers were ambiguous and surrounded by the most circus-like and speculative resources possible. Seeing my insistence and my dissatisfaction with their answers, they would generally end with the typical: “Child, don’t ask so many questions, God doesn’t like it.” And I thought: “How can God not like it? How is it possible that God gave me the ability to reason, and when I use it, He doesn’t like it?”

As a child, adults would seek me out to talk to them about God and how to find comfort through my words amidst their difficulties. Faced with this, I chose to set aside my questions to provide support and service to all these people. I held various positions in the churches I attended: leader of adolescents, youth pastor, co-pastor, and finally pastor. I focused on serving and contributing to the society in which I lived.

But despite everything, doubts and uncertainties about religion remained until the day came when everything started to fall apart little by little. I tried to hold on, fought not to let go of what had accompanied me, but over time it became impossible to stay there.

There was a day when my entire belief system collapsed. I call it the day of the densest darkness in my life, where everything lost meaning, everything except that God is real.

And that was the only thing that kept me from losing hope and the will to live. Knowing deep down that amidst so many things, there existed an infinitely Superior Being, and that through creation, I could not only admire Him but also find a greater purpose in my life.

After a personal quest, I discovered the existence of Deism and, upon learning its principles, the history, and the thoughts of Thomas Paine, Voltaire, John Locke, Ethan Allen, among others, I felt an immediate connection. I thought: “This is what I have been all my life.” At first, there were concepts difficult to assimilate, for obvious reasons; it had been years of constant dogmatism and indoctrination by the religious system. However, as I read, studied, and delved deeper into Deism, I was able to assimilate it better. Especially because, outside the circle of study, there is a great ignorance and even adulteration of Deism concepts, which are used to discredit and attack it vilely.

I continue in the process of growth but with the joy of living the best stage of my life, without burdens, without harmful thoughts, and with the goal of contributing the best of myself so that my surroundings and society, in general, can know and enjoy the benefits that we have in this wonderful philosophy of life called Deism.